I have always been very interested in looking sharp. I would always make sure that my clothes matched, that my shoes matched and of course my hair would always have to be perfectly trimmed and combed. I worked for years in the banking industry in Los Angeles. I even worked for Lehman Brothers and U.S. Trust, both companies are now sadly gone. I still have friends that worked there as well. I was used to always looking “professional”. I used to have lots of beautiful suits and shoes. Yes, I took pride in my appearance. But that changed very quickly when I gained weight.
Working from home was my perfect excuse “I don’t have to dress up” “I can work in my p.j.’s” which by the way is true. My routine in the morning would consist of rolling out of bed very early (5:30 or 6:00 am sometimes, depending on how tired I was), logging in and working non-stop until breakfast around 9:00 am. Then working straight for a few more hours non-stop until about 12:30 or 1:00 pm, then again working non-stop until 5:30. You might think that it was great for me to do this and to a degree, yes, it was. But here’s the thing, I was putting my work ahead of my health. I was waiting 3 1/2 hours before I ate something, which only slowed down my metabolism more, causing me to gain additional weight. I did this for a whole year. i watched my waistline grow, and grow, and grow. I used all of this as an excuse to not go out and make new friends, since I was in a new town, it was perfect. I would continue to sabotage my happiness doing this. Clinging on to my job for dear life as an excuse to not have a great life.
What I started to realize is that this was costing me. It was costing me the freedom to go out and meet new people, hang out with other moms who had kids my daughter’s age and also just going out with women my age just for fun. I used to look at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize who that person looking back at me was. It definitely was not the same person I used to know, the one who liked to dress sharp, who felt good about herself and had tons of energy. Nope, that wasn’t me. I had big dark circles around my eyes and I looked tired all the time. I would avoid showing up in pictures because I was embarrassed by the way I looked.
Last night I posted a new picture on Facebook. For the first time in a long time, I recognize myself. I was so thrilled that I FINALLY recognized myself that I made it my profile picture. The great thing is that it was our first family picture in a while where I felt GREAT about myself and it’s awesome.