That thing I did that doesn’t work

Two years ago when I realized that my weight was out of control, I started to do something… I remember distinctly going to Target with my husband, looking at this girl who was super-duper fit who had two children, a baby and a toddler. I told Joseph, my goodness, look at that girl, she’s so fit! I approached her and asked her what she did to be fit and she told me she was a fitness instructor at a local gym. Why of course, I thought to myself… she has to be fit.

At the time, I was desperately trying to find something that I could stick to that would work with me. With a lack of support from anyone except Joseph who was on the same path that I was, no friends in this new town that we had moved to and no one to talk to about my frustration, I would do this thing of asking people who I saw that were fit “How do you stay fit and why?” Of course with that, went other questions, and my own matter-of-fact statements “oh THAT’S why.” What I was doing was seeking proof of why I couldn’t do it, why I couldn’t stick to a nutrition plan and why I couldn’t stick to a workout plan.

I had paid a membership at a gym and I had to cancel it because the volunteers at the daycare center weren’t watching my daughter, they were entertained chatting with each other, while my 2 year old was being bullied by a 12 year old. When I got there, I had a fit, complained to the administration, canceled my membership and never went back, that was just one more proof of why I couldn’t get in shape.

The challenge I had was called analyzing everything until that defeating voice inside of me was satisfied that I couldn’t do anything about it, while at the same time using my stressful job as an excuse to sneak large bags of chips in the house that I would eat before my husband got home. I knew what I was doing was not helping but I pretended that I didn’t know, or I simply chose to get that immediate, temporary pleasure from my salty treats, instead of making the right choices.

When I got to the end of my rope and I realized that my weight was REALLY out of control and that I better do something QUICK! Something had clicked in me, I was willing to do what it takes, no questions asked, just take the coaching instead of thinking “there is something wrong here.” I no longer went around town looking for the fit and beautiful, asking them “what do you eat? What don’t you eat, (fill in the blank)  and why?” Because I knew better. And if they were fit then that meant that they were doing something to be that way and it was working. My trainer says “what you eat in private shows in public” and it’s true.

I wasn’t always fit and to date, my relationship with food is something that I deal with every single day. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes working out is not as much of a challenge as others, but I do it anyway. I have learned (most days) to make the healthy choices and if I fail, I don’t beat myself any more, I tell my group “oops! Look at what I did!” and get back on track. The truth is that it has gotten easier, all I have to do is stand in front of the mirror and see where I am, that seems to be my latest inspiration to keep going.

I am an online fitness coach and I’m proud to say that I too am human and I am not even close to being perfect and when I hit one of my goals, you bet I do a well-deserved snoopy dance (and have my daughter join in). When one of the people that I coach hits one of their goals, I do a snoopy dance with them as well, because I KNOW what it takes. It’s never easy but it is worth it.

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