This blog post comes as a result of a conversation with a coach in my team this morning. She has been very successful at losing 300 pounds and has worked very hard for it. A friend of hers on the bus stopped talking to her suddenly, and when my coach asked her why, her friend said “I want to do what you did, but my partner won’t let me lose weight” with the excuse of “he’s afraid I’ll leave him if I do.” Seriously? I am amazed that anyone would allow their partner, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whatever to have a say on what you do with your body. Ladies and gentlemen, YOU are responsible for your health! Why in the world would you let anyone else have the power to tell you what you can and can’t do in regards to your own body?
As someone who was once married to a person who was controlling like this, I can tell you… YOU have the power of putting your foot down and losing the weight anyway. You are not responsible for his or her self confidence or reaction. You are responsible for your own power, your own self confidence, your body and your own health. Your man or woman does NOT own your body, they don’t own you. They are your “partner” for good, for bad, for health or illness.. that doesn’t mean that you’re going to allow yourself to get ill by not taking care of yourself and seeing if he or she will stick with you. If he or she TRULY loves you, they will support your decision to take care of yourself. Why would anyone want someone who is miserable, sick, has no energy and feels bad about themselves if it’s not to have some power over that person?
Let me tell you, you cannot take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. You also don’t have the power to make anyone happy, your partner is responsible for his own happiness in the same way that you are responsible for yours. If he or she loves you, they will support you, if they leave you because they are too selfish to think about your health and your wellbeing… well, then guess what? They weren’t the perfect partner for you to begin with. Learn to be someone who cares so much about yourself that you are not willing to compromise your happiness for someone else. Be someone who has the power to say “no” when someone asks you to dim your own light so that they can shine… that’s not the way a relationship should be. Trust me when I say this. If you think you won’t find anyone else to be with, let me tell you that’s not true. I remarried and my husband supports me, cheers for me and even joined me in my journey.. he has a success story of his own, having lost almost 60 pounds.
I end this blog post with one of my favorite quotes and the one that made me wake up one day and get out of a controlling relationship:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Do yourself a favor, if you want to lose weight, do it for you because YOU are worth it.