Fear and Growth Cannot Coexist

When my daughter was learning how to walk, one of the things I did and had everyone who watch her do is that if she fell, we would never rush to pick her up (unless of course she was really hurt). She was ALWAYS able to giggle, and get back up. I realized back then the importance of believing in ourselves and that if I allowed fear to overcome her, she wouldn’t have the confidence to try to take the first step. If I was going to raise a confident child, she needed to know that it was okay to fall and get back again. I also knew of a mom who’s child learned how to walk very late because when the child fell, mom would run to pick her up. That child learned that it was not safe to fall or fail. When I became a mom, I realized then that fear and growth cannot coexist. What I didn’t know back then is how true this would ring for my own personal life as an entrepreneur and coach.

Fear occurs in our lives on a daily basis. And many times that fear can be justified, or it can be unjustified. I for example, have had fear of working my shoulders on my own at the gym because of a previous shoulder injury. I feel like the little wobbly child sometimes, having to rely on my coach to tell me “you can do it”. Thank God for a great coach who won’t allow ANY B.S. from me. He’s tough. He’ll tell me to stop messing around and start believing I CAN do it. We’ve talked about this before and I am 100% certain that if I were to even doubt myself one bit… I wouldn’t be training with him. See… he only works with people who are coachable. Those who understand that fear and growth cannot coexist. Those who are willing to listen and apply what works. What’s been tested over and over again in his 31 years of training athletes. I listen. I follow. I’m coachable. I’m learning. And last night, I trained shoulders on my own. I was careful with my form. I was cautious and just like that, I finished strong. (See my look of pride after doing the shoulder press ALL on my own with 50 pounds!)

Fear has also shown up in my business. I remember at the beginning of my coaching career, I was SO afraid of “doing it wrong” that often times I would take no action. When I decided to step up my game, I made a ton of mistakes and had to get up again and again. Again I realized that fear and growth do not coexist. Yes we have fears, we ALL do. We have a fear of failure and being ridiculed. But do we want to listen to our fear? Or do we want to kick it out of the ballpark and say “I’ve got this!” I refuse to give in to my fears because I want to grow.

It’s SO easy to give up. It’s easy to say “I can’t do this!” It’s easy to say “I don’t have what it takes.” What isn’t easy though, is to say “I might not be good at it right now, but I’m willing to learn.” Growth doesn’t happen by accident. We cause growth with our actions. Here are a few things I’ve learned during my journey in fitness and in business:

  1. Get rid of your excuses! We ALL have them TRUST ME. Excuses however, take you nowhere. If you want GREAT results then you’ll need to take great steps at setting all those excuses aside and pushing forward when you don’t feel like it.
  2. Take responsibility for your actions. We are 100% responsible and accountable for the choices we make. This is not to have an “Oh well, I messed up” attitude. But truly, truly own our mess ups. I recommend journaling. Sometimes that helps me figure out what happened so it doesn’t happen again. 99.9% of the times, it’s been lack of preparation or structure.
  3. Invest in personal growth. We live in a day and age when we have access to GREAT personal development. There are books, seminars, podcasts, etc., right at the tip of our finger. There are INCREDIBLE books out there that help with whatever you need the most. Take action with those personal development books too. You can’t grow if you don’t apply what you learn.
  4. Practice makes perfect! Sometimes our results will take time to achieve. But if we keep changing things up, we’re not giving time for things to work. Just because you tried things once or twice and had no,  or  very little results, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work, Maybe you just need to be more consistent. Be honest with yourself. Did you TRULY do what you were supposed to do?
  5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. And for God’s sake don’t you DARE fight them tooth and nail when they tell you “I know you can do this.” Don’t act like a child who says “I can’t” or “this isn’t for me” or “I’ll never reach my goal.” Take the coaching and recommendations and run with them.
  6. Set a goal and reverse engineer it – what will it take to get you there? What are the first steps to take?
  7. Plan your work and work your plan
  8. Be consistent.
  9. Stop complaining and whining! There is WAY too much energy wasted in doing this (trust me, I’ve done it in the past!) It doesn’t work and it never will. Your energy is best spent in finding a solution to your complaint.
  10. Be grateful – I cannot begin to express how much gratitude has been the basis for my personal growth. I am NOT perfect and I never will be. But gratitude has become something very important in my life.

Growth isn’t easy. But you have the power within you to grow or to give in to your fears. I recently told someone that when you go through a weight loss transformation the essence of who you are is there, but a much BETTER version of who you are. I was asked to explain more and it’s not easy. But the best way I can explain it is that there are habits that I used to have that I no longer have. Complaining constantly was one of them. Being defensive when someone was trying to help me even though I asked was another. Those habits are gone. I now ask for help when I TRULY need it and don’t complain about the steps it will take for me to reach a goal.

Fear can overpower you and paralyze you. So next time you feel that fear… just remember that fear and growth cannot coexist. Tell fear to take a hike and go for growth.