Day 76 – An insight

No matter who you are, no matter if you’re a woman or a man, we all want to look good and feel good about ourselves, and if you’re reading this and saying “no” then you’re lying to yourself, becauseĀ  honestly, don’t you just love it when you walk into a room and everyone turns around to look at you? Well, I do and I am not the least ashamed of saying it. If you are surprised about me saying this, then you’ll be shocked about my next statement. I love it when women check my husband out, you may think I’m crazy but you know what? I honestly love it. Heck, we’re both in our 40’s and the fact that women and men (many times in their 20’s) are checking both of us out is a huge compliment for the two of us and seriously, why wouldn’t I want him to feel good about himself? This goes both ways, he laughs every time he sees a guy looking at me and will even say “did you see that guy? He almost fell over looking at you!” Most of the times I don’t notice it, but I do notice the girls checking him out and I’ll tell him “hey, that girl has great taste.”

I was talking to Joseph today about something really interesting. When I met him 7 years ago, I was at the time in pretty good shape, I had been practicing kickboxing for about a year and a half, I had ran a couple of 5K’s and I was pretty fit. I felt strong, energetic and I was extremely-confident. Then of course if you have been following my blog for a while, you know the rest, I had a baby, gained weight (after) giving birth and finally became too comfortable and lazy to do something about it until I got sick of it and FINALLY committed to something and here I am now, on day 76 of this amazing program.

If you asked my best friend to describe me, one of the words that comes out of her mouth is “she’s strong.” If you knew me well, you’d now that I can’t stand feeling weak and it doesn’t matter if it’s emotionally weak or physically weak, I just can’t tolerate that in myself. This is specifically why I am such a good interpreter, I never, ever, ever, EVER allow anyone’s problems to affect me; and I have had some pretty hairy situations to interpret (domestic violence cases, child abuse cases, deaths, letting someone know that they’re terminally ill, etc.) When asked how I do it, I always say “it’s part of my job to not allow these situations to affect me” and although it’s abso-freakinglutely true that it IS my job, it is also true that the only reason behind my strength is that I REFUSE 100% to be seen as someone who is weak and that’s why I am so confident around interpreting. Pretty logical, don’t you think? I operate the same way around (what I call) my physical confidence, which started to dwindle little by little, as I got heavier and heavier. When my physical strength was gone, so was my physical confidence.

There have been definite changes in my body as you can tell from my pictures but on top of that, I had noticed that there was something very different in me this past week and I didn’t know what it was until today, I mean, it felt familiar. It was almost like an old friend was back but I just couldn’t pinpoint it and say “yeah, that’s it!” For the first time in three years that sparkling, beautiful friend called “confidence” returned and this time, is here to stay.